Quote from Parent to Parent U
"...Our children will always ACT OUT the pain they are feeling. Always.
The *uglier* the acting out in our eyes, the more pain they are chaotically or rigidly struggling with on the inside.
The more VIOLENT the behavior, the more afraid a child is.
The more a child looks like he WANTS to be punished, grounded reprimanded, the more distressed and terrified he feels on the inside.
If he isn't aware of his internal turmoil ("inturmoil"?), he may be acting out in a dissociated state.
Punishing a child through fear for his *fear-driven behavior* is like breaking dirty dishes after each meal. Let's look beyond behavior to the trauma beneath. It's not always Big T trauma.
Our kids are not born to be angry, violent and disconnected.
If they behave this way, we have a relational responsibility to find out why. And build a bridge for them to cross over back to themselves, us and a sense of safe haven. -- Lu Hanessian
We make choices ALL the time. Learning to make better ones in small little ways, immediate ways, makes life bigger and better. Choosing to be gentle with a child, and patient with ourselves, and generous in ways we think might not even show makes our children more gentle, patient and generous.—Sandra Dodd
For a lot of people, thinking too deeply about what they believe is too painful. It's just easier to do what was done to them. ** —Deb Lewis